These last few days, I oscillated between persevering and giving up. I don’t know if you do it too, but I do. Most times, I am stable. Got my sights set on the goal and heading towards it.
But these last days, there have been new things in the mix; I have been walking a tightrope and extending my neck out in a new venture that just screams out for me to be criticised; there is no change in the women I teach and counsel. No great testimonies to write home about, no significant waves to rock any boat. Yet, I am pouring in; falling on my face and crying out to God. And He is saying, “Just keep going,”.
I do, but I wonder if it is worth it, is there any point to it, what is my continuing to do what I do going to change anything because I see nothing being changed.
I read verses from Ezekiel 33:30-33 and Matthew 13 and I go, “Gah! This is exactly it. Hard hearts. Deaf ears. Is there a point to keep going?” I keep adding to my new venture as well, wondering if I am wasting my time. Giving up seems logical. Humanly. Why keep going if there are no gains, no profit?
But, I am not just a logical being. I am a spiritual being. My mind is being transformed to be like Christ’s. If we look at ourselves from His point of view, we are liabilities. There is no profit in us. Filthy rags, we are. Why invest more in a liability? Yet, He doesn’t see us as liabilities. He sees us as potentials. He sees us the way we were meant to be. Before we got covered and entangled in the muck and mire of sin. So, he invests in us. He pours His all into us, literally His blood, sweat and tears. His whole life lived out on this earth was for us. His filthy rags investment. He walked with 12, teaching them even when they could not understand; trusting that they will understand later.
And here I am. Moaning about the little I do. Just because I see nothing being changed. But He said to keep going, didn’t He? He will bring the changes in time. He will rock the boat and all He wants me to do is do what I am doing, and keep going. Humanly, I want to give up because it does not make sense to continue.
But, when I see what He invested in me when I myself was hard hearted and stiff necked, how He kept pursuing me when I rejected Him over and over again, I see that the only logical thing to do is to keep persevering.
Giving up is not an option because He never considered it an option when He dealt with me.
And I am reminded of the verse, “we walk by faith and not by sight.” It is not about what I see happening or not. It is about what I believe God will do in the face of sheer impossibility.