I got rejected today. I think it has been a while since I got rejected outrightly that it hurt. With my blog posts, with anything I write, I know that I am placing myself at the mercy of critics who read my stuff and at times, I put my stuff out there as if I was handing it over on a platter while turning my head away with my eyes tightly screwed shut….just in case what I offered out there got chopped up into slivers.
With my writing, the critics have been kind. I guess either that or most people go by the adage of, “If I can’t say anything nice, then I’d better not say anything at all.” Or, they just ignore my writing and not read it. Somehow, I can handle that because I know I am a writer. However, for some months now, something has been arising in me to explore the arts a little further, to be more creative in my endeavours outside of the usual. A friend sold us her small Canon DSLR camera (the SX130 IS) and with that, a whole new world opened up for me.
I became a wanna-be photographer.
Spurred on by other bloggers who also photograph, I plunged in head and feet first into the world of photography. Alas, alas, I fell upon my head and now feel like Humpty Dumpty after the crash. I tried to sell my pictures to create some form of extra revenue for my husband and I.
And I got absolutely rejected. Slaughtered. Humpty Dumpty bleeding yolk all over the sidewalk.
Humpty was pushed (Photo credit: aussiegall)
Somewhere deep within me, there was the Holy Spirit saying, “You will try again,” while the other part of me, the eggy part said, “I suck, I suck and I so suck at this!” The weird part was I could actually feel myself on one side saying that I will not give up; I will try again and I will keep practicing to improve while the other side of me just went, “nyeehhhhh, I so suck at this, I won’t take anymore photographs. I suck, I suck.” I was truly dejected over the rejection. I thought I had given my best. I felt so…rejected. Unwanted. And I wanted to curl into a ball in a corner to lick my wounds.
But I couldn’t. I had to be somewhere else, doing something that needed all of my attention. So, rejection aside, I decided that I will not let self pity win. Even though I don’t want to take another photo for now, I will when there is good lighting. I will keep trying. I will not give up. One day, I might yet be considered a photographer along with writer and artist (yes, I paint too…just don’t reject my art for now…I don’t think I can take 2 rejections in a day!) but today is not the day. I am still in the preparation phase.
While my mind kept trying to get me to say “I suck”, I realized that the truth about me is that I am not a loser. I am a winner, more than a conqueror, to be exact. God has created me to have a future and a hope, a winner and not a loser. I might not be good at everything I do, but there are things that I am really good at and things that I am in the process of learning how to be good at.
I believe that this is the case with all of us. There are things that we are really good at but sometimes, we look at the green grass on the other side of the fence and we downplay what we are good at in thinking that they are not as important as what is on the other side of the fence. We could also be good at doing what we see on the other side of the fence but it would need preparation and practice. Friends, remember that we are never losers. We are winners and there is always something we are good at that someone else would like with all their heart to be able to do. Let us not downplay our strengths and focus only on what we are still learning to do well. Remember that everything is a process.
And rejection is the springboard to keep reaching for the stars.